Love Earth Life Happiness.


Chasing the Past

Hello Utah!

After a month-full of learning... I have moved back to America.

"You're back already?!?!?" Yes. I'm back already. :)

"BUT WHY?" Here's why..

Today's blog topic is about living in the past.

The beauty of life, is that we all have our own stories.. everyone has their own past. So, whether this post affects you personally or not.. I hope you enjoy.

Here's a chunk of what I learned in my month in Europe this time around. I can't believe how much I've been chasing the past for 3 years. 3 years! I remember the day that I realized this a couple of weeks ago.. It took moving there for an amount of time that I was definitely unsure of, to finally realize this. After my experience at 18 years old, studying in Tilburg, The Netherlands...  I was told by three wonderful teachers, that I should stay at the Dance Academy and finish my degree there. While I was jumping for joy at the idea, I presented it to my parents.. and it was quickly turned down, (which I'm sure any parent can imagine would happen when their baby is trying to stay in a different country).

For 3 years! I've been saddened and have constantly looked back at what could have happened if I would have just stayed there. There was a sense of bitterness that I've carried, not only towards myself.. but towards dance as well. Though I never intentionally thought this, I had a sort of attitude that it didn't matter where I danced here or there.. because it wasn't the same thing that I could have experienced, had I stayed in The Netherlands. I found excuses for whatever reason.. and basically stopped dancing just because I wasn't getting what I could have had, I suppose. Thinking about this now, I can't believe how ridiculous it is. And a huge part of me knew that in the back of my mind, I was definitely thinking this but I just didn't want to admit it. We do this far too often.. because facing the truth can be funky.

After three years of having in the back of my mind..  I have to get back, I have to get back.. I couldn't take it anymore and basically quit everything that I had here to go and test my luck living in Europe. So I moved there without knowing how long I would be there. Before going.. and even for the first chunk of living there, I was extremely hopeful that things would work out. This was until I realized what I'm writing about now. It was quite the slap in the face.

Now, I'm back at home.. with zero dollars.. but a new and refreshing outlook on life.. and an eagerness to learn and continue having adventures.  It's time to live again! Regret is a nasty thing. And sometimes you don't even see it while it's eating you alive.

If you have something eating at you... jump at it right in the face. If you've had an increasing desire for as many years as you can remember, to quit everything and move to Jamaica and be a beach bum... just do it. It doesn't have to be as dramatic as that.. but if something is causing you not to live your life and be happy with what you are doing here and now, then go after what you think you want. ONLY THEN can you finally put your mind at ease and figure out if it is just a world that you are imagining or if it is actually the way that your life should be. For me, I realized that I wasn't fighting as hard as I thought I would to get a job there. Sure, I took dance classes and also bikram yoga classes, because this is something that I simply love. I went out one day and handed out heaps of resumes at cafes.. but I wasn't out trying to find work every single day, and this said something to me without words.

Instead of sitting at home, trying to save the rest of my money for the next months rent.. I decided then and there to LIVE and enjoy my time traveling to different cities in The Netherlands to visit friends for birthday parties or coffee... or to just go enjoy myself while I still had some time there. After realizing all of this, it was quite easy for me to decide that I want to be in the States at this time in my life. And that it's okay to move on from the fact that I didn't decide to stay there in Holland that one time years ago. I sure missed out on a hell of a lot of wonderful things for 3 years and now I feel so happy to see that I can put that dream of mine at rest for now. To get something straight though... I still absolutely love it there. I made a life, two different times there and have friends that are VERY dear to me. Coming home from my study abroad.. I almost thought for a second that my life changing experiences didn't really even happen. But going back for the 4th time now to Holland in 3 years, I saw that those experiences definitely did happen. It was real. It wasn't just a dream, and for that knowledge.. I'm extremely grateful.

Life makes you who you are today. It's a beautiful thing really!

Here's to LIVING and finding new dreams to fight for. Not those "going back in the past" dreams.

Come at me America :)


Continually Learning

The journey proceeds. Not as long as I initially thought due to a crazy lack of money.. (isn't that always the problem)...

Lack of money is trivial.

Loving your life and living your life are not only valuable phrases for your being.... but they are also essential for personal awareness, acceptance, and happiness.

I don't know about other people... but I'm personally sick of living a life where I'm constantly afraid to make decisions for myself. Being controlled by others is such a frustration. As humans.. I think we need to start becoming aware that it is actually beneficial to listen to our own hearts and accept what our hearts are telling us. It's completely individual. Truth is truth. And no matter what your personal "truth" involves... keep at it. And keep at it with all of your heart.




Dancing and Feeling.

It feels so good to feel!

I went to my first audition since Odyssey's audition in the summer. Here's a bit of how it went this morning. I woke up to a heavy rain/wind storm... (keep in mind that it was about a 25 min. bike ride to the audition location). I was seconds away from staying in my warm bed and continuing to cuddle with Marley. After much deliberation, I kicked myself out of bed.. "put on my dance shoes" and threw as many layers on that I could find to be out and on my way.

I gotta say.. THAT is what this life is about. Getting up and doing things that you're afraid of and the journeys that come along with that... it's simply what life is all about. After years of feeling like I've backed out of things due to this fear or that fear... I still went. Sure, it wasn't successful.. tricky odds anyway (1 girl and 1 boy, with 35ish girls there..) But hey, as a dancer.. classes are expensive so getting a free class and a chance to share a dance studio again, doing the thing that I love... now THAT is success in itself.

I'm posting this one more-so for myself honestly. It feels good to feel again. It has only been 1 week since I arrived in Amsterdam and I can really feel that this is exactly what I needed to do at this time in my life. If there is anything that I can pass along, it's that each day.. we should make it a habit to feel things. Whether life that day makes you happy or sad.. let yourself feel it and embrace it.

Now I say CHEERS.

Cheers to being poor... (money-wise)

Cheers to being rich... (not money-wise) ;)

Cheers to living every moment in the moment.

Cheers to new friends.

Cheers to my old and very dear friends.

Cheers to my family.

Cheers to Bob Marley for adapting so quickly to a completely new surrounding...

And cheers to going for it - whatever it may be for you.

Ps. Thank you all so much for your continual support. Every little bit has helped in so many ways. This world has some pretty amazing people in it!


Food for thought.

Hallooo. Greets from Amsterdam. Well, I'm all settled in here. Just finished the last bit of unpacking and making my room feel like home. My hosts have been great here, Livia and Nicky have been helpful in everything so far. And I've loved the fact that Bob Marley is here with me. He was quite the champ on the way here and hasn't left my side since we've been here... except for when we go out... the little kid is going sniff crazy and loving this new city. We go hard, exploring during the day and return back home pretty exhausted by night actually.

Now that we're all settled in... it's now time to get out and about. I'm really not sure what's going to happen! Now that I've finally made it here, I plan to just put myself out there and definitely allow myself to feel vulnerable. Something that isn't easy to do in any case.. Somehow, I feel motivated to make things work here though, so that's good. It's still quite crazy to really be here again.. I think it's definitely a good direction for me at this point in time. No matter how long it lasts. Already having many nice conversations with people here.. it's good for anybody to hear about and actually immerse yourself in different ways of living and thinking.

I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss home. I absolutely do. Marley does help with this... but part of me wonders if he misses home as well. If we were to sit inside all day.. just like anybody else, I think we might go crazy. Meeting old friends here and getting back into dance helps 100% with home sickness. I've broken down a few times thinking about home already, but I feel no shame in missing my family and friends at home. Though it was a really hard year for my family in 2013.. things were still going quite well. All except for my mentality at times as far as confidence in dance goes unfortunately. (a huge reason why I wanted to come here... hopefully regaining some dancing confidence again, even if it is simply a kickstart for myself for a few short months.)

I think it's important not to forget that it's always important to soul search in this life. You really don't have to go on a huge adventure like what I needed to do.. and have needed to do in the past. Facing your fears and going towards those thoughts/actions that make us feel vulnerable.. if you ask me, it honestly does have a benefiting value. It's in facing our fears head on that we become stronger individuals. Don't let yourself allow for negative thoughts to creep into your head. If there is something that you want to accomplish or figure out for yourself, do it. And don't be afraid to let family, friends, or straight up outsiders to come in or go along with you as you experience your hardships and successes as well. If anything, I think people begin to feel more comfortable in general when we open up with each other. It aids in realizing that this life isn't easy for anyone. We are all, in one way or another, in this life together for a reason.

Love, be loved, venture into the unknown, and dare to be different.

That's all for today. Nothing too crazy or deep.. just wanting to unleash some brainwaves to the universe :)


Does anybody REALLY know what they are doing?

Yes yes, it has been quite a while since I've posted. With lots on the mind, I've been inspired to blog again. Here's the punch line. Yes, what you have heard is correct. I'm moving back to The Netherlands indefinitely. It has been months worth of wondering whether I should really go through with this or if this is even the "right" decision. To me, crazily questioning this idea that I've had in my mind forever (wanting to live in Europe), is a huge sign that I should most definitely take action.

While eating Thai food with my best, I opened up about the thought I had a few months back while actually on our backpacking trip in Europe that it just felt "right" to live there. She could feel my energy and knew that it is exactly what my personal legend has in store. Spitting ideas and dreams out like we usually do, I said, "maybe I just need to quit everything and go." So... being the daring Scorpio that I am, I did it. And I did everything before even telling anybody. No body knew except my journal, my dog, Kaley and myself.

Can I just say... it has been one big process and one big headache at times too. It is so funny to me... how many different people come out of the woodworks to ask if this is really true. People I haven't talked to in months, years even... they call or text just to ask if it's true. So yes, it's true. Though it was terrifying to tell both of my absolutely wonderful jobs that I was leaving... telling my amazing parents and having quite a freaky reaction from them... (and a persuasive reaction in hoping that I will change my mind and just stay here, might I add)... to telling one of my best friends in the world, Collin, that I'm leaving him...... again. Let's just say, if I hadn't pre-decided that this was what I was going to do, I would definitely have been persuaded to stay here. 

I just bought a new car. One of my dream cars actually... A wonderful Subaru Outback that is quite amazing in the snow might I add... (I love snowboarding). And two months later, I'm turning right back around.. most likely losing money out of it.. and selling it.


Yes. Absolutely. 

I love to turn this question around... and ask myself, "Sure you're crazy Samijo... But ARE YOU IN TUNE WITH YOUR DREAMS?"

Yes. Even more so.

I don't write this blog for any other reason that you peeps can think of... but only in hopes that YOU might stop and ask yourself if you are doing what you want to be doing with your life.

Going back to the title of my blog.... does anybody really know what they are doing? To be honest, I don't think so at all. I'm currently sitting here in a Starbucks downtown, looking around at people of all sorts. People are SO interesting. SO interesting. I'm watching a hipster slurp on her whipped creamed frappucino.. watching a guy in pure frustration as he just dropped his newly made latte... watching a serious conversation with a couple who may have had an off evening this weekend... and watching a group of businessmen who (might I add) ALL look like they have sticks up their butts while hoping that their new idea might be a WORLD CHANGING idea.... a homeless guy who is absolutely more stoked about his first (and quite possibly only) meal of the day, while I am here nonchalantly drinking my Aged Sumatra coffee, as though it is not even an appetizer in my meal plan for the day. No. I don't think that ANYBODY really knows what they are doing.

We are all living day to day. Hour to hour. Minute to minute. And that's how it should be. We should all dream. We should all risk everything that we have. We should all go for exactly what we want to do in this life. No matter what it is. No matter who you are. No matter what your situation is.

This post is to the woman who is in her second marriage with thousands of very dear commitments in her life, even though her core dream... has always been to be in the peace corps living in a different country and making a deeper difference than she feels like she is making here. 

This post is to the boy who feels like he is in debt up to his chin in who knows what.. but hates where he is living and continues each day in shame, wishing that he would have stuck with his dream of writing and playing music... even though everyone around him knows that he could ABSOLUTELY change lives with his voice, lyrics, and instrumental abilities.

This post is to the mother who just lost her son. Wondering what the heck she could have done to change his mind... looking as far back as 40 years ago... wishing that she made different decisions based on the fact that she thinks it might have changed his decision in taking his own life. 

This post is to the lady who said she is vicariously living through the travelers and dreamers in this world because she is just so unhappy with everything that is going on in her life.

This post is to my boss, my coworkers, my parents, my distant but true friends, and my absolutely closest friends who believe in what is about to happen.

This post is to the girl who was abused and STILL feels like no one understands what she's been through.

This post is to YOU. No matter what on Earth your commitments, hardships and un-lived dreams are in YOUR life. This post is to YOU. May we all look at our lives and LIVE. Do what you want to do despite what people think you should do. Obviously everyone is unhappy... a lot of us live based on what others think we should do. How the crap does anyone know what you should be doing for you?

I 100% love what people think I should do. I just believe more in what I think is best for me.... if you ask me, once people see that you are doing what you are destined to do, then they will also realize that it's the best thing for you. (even if they already know this before you are even doing it.)

Anyway... like I said, this post is to YOU. Whoever you are. I love people. I love you.